It’s been about nine years since I started my journey of mind-body awareness. In retrospect I see three distinct phases, each lasting about three years. It took me three whole years to change how I thought about food and movement, body image and to believe that change was truly possible.
 After 25 years of roller coaster diet, no diet, exercise, no exercise, gaining more and more weight and growing more and more disheartened, living in less and less joy and confidence, it took some real heart-head work to evolve. Little by little, my plate changed to whole, colorful foods. I no longer craved fried foods, fast food, processed foods and artificial sweets made in a factory. Not overnight! Pizza, even crappy pizza can be a challenge! Change isn’t an arrow, it’s a loop de loop. It’s about regrouping, restarting, each time with less lag time. Each time, it got easier. The processed foods began to taste artificial, overwhelming, and….fake. My tummy ached if I overindulged and I longed for greens! 

I admit, I grew to love exercising! Now, I know many of you think I’m somehow different than you. I promise, I had ZERO background in anything physical. No team sports, no dance lessons, not from an active family. My extracurricular activity was piano–for twelve years! Yet at 50, I longed to move. To learn how to use this body I’ve been given. I longed to meet a challenge. To sweat, and laugh, and grit my teeth, and go home sore and exhausted and anxious to do it all again. Who was this woman? 
All I know is that you can change. Again and again. And if you let it, life will surprise you. You will surprise you! 

The next three years I  fell down the rabbit hole. I returned to school. This time, in nutrition, in personal and group training, in behavioral science of change,  in active aging certification and finally, wellness coaching. I wanted to understand the circumference of living in a state of wellness. Not perfection. I wanted to learn how we change, why we change, what triggers change, and most importantly, how to LIVE in sustained wellness. I wanted to understand the interplay of sleep, stress, relationships, meaningful work, community, history, perceptions, physical  and mental health concerns with all of our diseases, conditions and issues that  must be woven into who we are. 

That’s when I had to slow down. We are beautifully flawed and complicated. We can’t be “fixed.” We can’t clean it all up. We can’t get on track and stay on track. We will always be a tapestry with light and dark in our weft. Wellness is a big buzzword. Everybody’s got a different definition. This is what I know. For me. And maybe something in it may resonate for you. 

Wellness is a walk. Every day is different. Balance is a gyro. In constant flux. We ebb and flow. We will no doubt, lose our way and find it again. Awareness is simply finding our way a little bit quicker. We feel those triggers, those tugs, and we find our way back to center just a little bit easier. Some of the time. Hopefully most of the time. And when we don’t, we smile. Giving ourselves gentleness and yet consistent care. Even a strong talking to every now and then. 

Wellness is creating a community to surround yourself with–for you and for them. A give and take of wisdom, wit, knowledge, experience and yes, accountability. Wellness is living with and through awareness. 

These last three years I am now living in this space. Most days, I create and enjoy wholesome food. I eat like a queen! Most days, I eat at home because I enjoy the 5 step process of planning, purchasing, prepping, cooking and enjoying. Most days, I move. I take long, long walks (I say I walk on the beach until the voices stop berating me–and that can take awhile). I also lift weights for strength, do yoga for agility, dance for endurance, garden to plunge into the earth and anything else that feels good body and soul. Most days, I sleep without aids and I wake often, but it doesn’t bother me. I like the quiet moments with myself in the dark. Most days, I rest when I need to. Mid-day ten minute nap is divine. Even to sit quiet. Most days, I don’t overwork, over stress, overthink. Some days, I do. But I catch myself, redirect, and at times, just let it take its course knowing it won’t last long. Most days, what others think of me matters less and less. Not their praise nor their criticism. It’s my job to love/validate/correct me. Even the tough love part. I have little tolerance for stress, drama, pain (although its a powerful teacher). But I do allow sorrow to weep, anger to wail, boredom to whine, and hurt to engulf. It’s part of being alive and I so enjoy being alive. All of it. 

And some days I curse like a mofo, want to inflict bodily harm on many people some related some strangers, and drink tequila. Lots of tequila. Just keeping it real!

What’s next? I started this series stating that I believe in reincarnation–particularly in this lifetime. Reinvention is inevitable. What’s next? I don’t know. And I love not knowing. 

Melissa | people | 09 8th, 2020 | 2 Comments »

I am learning so much from Carol as I follow my own path to better health and fitness. Today we are featuring Part Two of her journey! We’re all in this together and Carol makes it easier!

My big leap into the fitness world began.I signed up at my local gym not knowing anything about strength training and only the usual girlie things about cardio–treadmill, elliptical, jazzercise and step aerobics. I ran straight to the group fitness room and planted myself in the very back. Several of the classes I took were in the dark with only rope lighting. Less intimidating and a great way to hide. I didn’t know what a plank was. I couldn’t do one push up on my toes and I faked many moves only doing them half way. But I liked it. A place to go at 5:00. The music. That people started to recognize me. We all need a place to belong. Next big step. TIme to look at my food. I used to call it a diet. Me and diets were quite familiar. Like most bad relationships. I kept coming back for more even though it obviously wasn’t working for long. I dived deep into nutrition. Diet is to lose weight (really, we want to lose fat), but nutrition is a much bigger and far more important goal worthy of our focus. Baby steps. Time to look at my 30 year addiction to diet sodas. Obviously, with gaining 50 pounds the diet part of the soda equation wasn’t working. I drank four to six a day. Called it my mom juice. I depended on the fizz, the caffeine, the buzz. I’d tried to quit before. And before. And before that. This time I studied addiction recovery practices. I studied nutrition from all angles. What was I missing? Why was my will power so weak? I came up with my own two step approach. The first was to find a substitute. Coffee. My other vice. It has nutritional value and I was tested for caffeine tolerance, which was good. I gave myself permission to have coffee/go to Starbucks anytime I wanted a diet coke. Even six times a day. The first week, I hit the coffee shop everyday. Sometimes twice a day for that afternoon iced coffee. By the second week I needed less, but still gave myself full permission to enjoy this other vice. I only used steevia in my coffee so I wasn’t adding a ton of calories, but that didn’t matter. Calories wasn’t the focus. Only eating/drinking things with nutritional value was. My other strategy was to change my narrative around diet sodas. I came up with this: 
Diet sodas have zero nutritional value. They are as harmful to me as Drano. Drano might taste good–I don’t know–but it wouldn’t be good for me. Diet soda is Drano. I don’t drink Drano. 
I said this to myself outloud day after day those first few weeks or months. It became such a mantra, such a habit that I can’t even say the word, “diet” without launching into my mantra. It’s been nine years. I’ve had a couple of sips of diet sodas and they do nothing for me. Nothing. I tastes so strong and strange I want to spew it out.  
Next came hydrogenated oils. After educating myself on the dangers of hydrogenated oils, why they were invented, what they do to our cells, our heart, how they’re in all processed foods (don’t get me started!) I knew I had to take a serious look at my pantry. We can talk about nutrition later. 
I want to leapfrog over nutrition and talk about that later. What I want to share in this post is how I began to FEEL. 
I stopped holding my body hostage–you can buy a new dress after you lose ten more pounds–if you don’t lose weight you’re going to stop going to the gym–you’re too old to focus so much on how you look–what my friends were saying about how much time I spent working out–that cholesterol meds are inevitable, just take them….

I stopped the negative self talk: I hate my thighs. Thank you for your strength to walk, to squat, to dance. 
I hate my stomach. Thank you for babies. And yes, I’ll wear that two piece. 
I hate my arms. Thank you that I can cook and paint, Lift and carry. Hug and hold. 

I refused to be that awful ugly friend who talks bad about someone she professes loyal to. I refused to let cruel words come out of my mouth. At first the affirmations felt fake. Then they didn’t. They felt authentic. I was finally becoming the best friend I always dreamed of–kind, funny, loyal, honest but not harsh, tough but encouraging. 
I found my confidence. I wanted to dance. To be playful. To say yes to get togethers. I wanted to take long walks just for the enjoyment of it. I wanted to try new things.  Try on clothes in a store. And yes, I wanted to leave the lights on in the bedroom! I didn’t care what the scale number read–but how I felt in my own skin. 
Mine isn’t a fast journey. It took me about six years to get my head on straight. To change my fridge, my pantry, my closet, where I ate, how I dressed, how I talked to myself…
Time for the next big step. I decided I wanted to be a wellness coach when I grew up. Again. 

Melissa | people | 08 28th, 2020 | No Comments »

I believe in reincarnation, just all in one lifetime. Over the decades I have become and then undone again and again.  So I should have seen it coming. The day when I would outgrow my old skin. 
At 40 I decided I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. I learned, I wrote, I read, I attended conferences and workshops and even went back to college. Little by little I found my voice and published many essays, short stories, articles, blogs and website content. My book, Mothering Mother, A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir  took me to the studios of CNN, NBC, The National Parkinson’s Foundation , care facilities, bookstores, book clubs, colleges took me around the country.  It’s not book sales that made me most proud but the lives that my words touched. That I could share my story and that others could feel not so alone. 
But it was full circle time and my heart was yearning for something different. I saw in myself as a caregiver and in so many others far more than burnout. I experienced and witnessed a bankruptcy of spirit, soul, physical and mental and emotional health, as well as a devastating toll on many people’s finances and careers and sadly, relationships who were in the midst or coming out of caregiving. That’s when I realized the toll of giving ourselves to others and many times giving too much of ourselves to others. 
I wanted to back it up 30 years. For myself and for every adult daughter, spouse, family member and friend, nurse and doctor, I wanted to scream from every podium, “We’ve got to take care of ourselves people! And it’s got to start now! And it’s got to start with our attitudes of how we see ourselves and it’s got to start with our health and our wellness today! Not 30 years from now. But today. How we care for ourselves today is a direct correlation to how we will live 30 years from now! So wake up and get up and start living, moving, eating, thinking and speaking and being with intention!” 
I turned 50 and and I swear I heard a gong somewhere. Somewhere deep. The old sick and tired is how I felt about every aspect of my life..Sick when I looked at photographs of myself. Tired of looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself.  Sick when the doctor told me I was 50 lbs overweight for my height and was considered obese. Tired of not recognizing the girl in the mirror. And heartbroken. What happened to me???? 

My insides didn’t match my outside. I hid behind baggy clothing. I shopped in stores where I didn’t even like the clothing. 
Where was the confident playful sassy badass bougie gal I thought I’d get be?When does she get to come out and play?
I knew that if I kept going 50 would go to 60 would go to 75 lb and that at some point I would break through that inevitable pharmaceutical wall and join the millions of Americans who have type 2 diabetes, need to take high blood pressure, high cholesterol meds, sleep meds depression meds anxiety meds…the meds the meds the meds!
I don’t know what came over me except to call it a compulsion.Or in my case, a reincarnation.
I found myself tugging on a gym door. In all my years I had never set foot in a gym. I had done my fair share of Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, walked around more blocks than I could ever count, did some step classes back in the day, threw in a few jazzercise classes for fun but it  was on the typical six or eight week diet cycle where I  lost a few pounds only to gain them right back. 
But that day I stood at that desk it’s different. I didn’t know why I was ready but I was ready. Scared shitless–is it really possible to undo a lifetime of buying into an American diet and way of life? Is it really possible to make true and lasting change? Was I going to just let myself down yet another time?
Scared shitless, I knew it was time. Time to open that damn door and take that first step.

Many thanks to you, Carol! You inspire us all! I am on my own journey to transform my life and will keep readers up to date on my progress. We’re all looking forward to your second post next week in this three part series!

Melissa | people | 08 21st, 2020 | No Comments »

On Friday I’ll be sharing a post by my dear friend, Carol O’Dell. I met Carol years back when I was working as a literary agent with Sullivan Maxx Literary Agency. From the moment we met I felt a kindred spirit in Carol. Author of the bestselling book, “Mothering Mother”, she has experienced life as a parental caregiver, a role that changes one’s life forever. Following the loss of her mother she began an amazing journey, reinventing herself…body, mind and spirit!

Her story is one that I know will inspire you during these uncertain times. She proved that one can take control of their lives and live their dreams. Carol never ceases to amaze me with her joie de vivre and her incredible insight into life! Friday’s post will be the first of three as Carol joins our team as a contributing blogger.

We are working to make this blog site as interactive as possible with podcasts beginning shortly. Please leave comments and let us know how The Permanent Tourist is helping you to become your best self ever!

Melissa | people | 08 19th, 2020 | 3 Comments »

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I featured a post on the parishes of Louisiana shortly after we moved to Lousiana.   As mentioned in the post parishes are what most states term “counties”.  In researching I was particularly interested in the parish where we live, St. Tammany.  Since all of the parishes I have read about are named after bonafide Christian saints, recognized by the Roman Catholic Church, I questioned the name never having heard of a saint with that name.  What I found was very interesting.

Wikipedia

St. Tammany parish is named after Chief Tamanend.  He lived in what is now known as the Philadelphia area and was chief of the  Lenni-Lenape nation.  He and other leaders of this group met with other leaders of the new Pennsylvania colony in the early 1680’s.  William Penn and Chief Tamanend signed several agreements to protect both of their groups and insure peaceful coexistence. The chief is known for having said the settlers and his people would “live in peace as long as the waters run in the rivers and creeks and as long as the stars and moon endure.” These words can be found on the statue of Tamanend that still stands in Philadelphia.

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The chief became a folk legend after his death in 1701.  He became known as “King Tammany”, “Saint Tammany”, and the “Patron Saint of America”.  Tammany societies and festivals sprang up all over the area and spread throughout the land.  Today this man of peace continues to be celebrated.  I don’t think he ever traveled to the parish that bears his name, in fact, I am sure he didn’t.  But I like to think that our area bears the name of a man so important to the beginning of our nation’s history.  A man of peace and a place of peace….it just seems right.

Melissa | people | 09 12th, 2018 | 1 Comment »

One of my goals, as I return to blogging on a regular basis, is to share experiences I have survived and grown as a result of.  The question I have been asked repeatedly is…”How are you surviving what you are doing?”.  Many people have told me they couldn’ t possibly have been a caregiver for both a father and husband for three years.  My answer is that I can’t imagine having done anything else.  No, it wasn’t easy, but love sees us through the most challenging of times and this certainly has been one.

Over the years various people have come into my life not only as friends but as teachers.  I am a very open minded person and have always worked and done my best to reach out and learn whatever I could from someone.  I believe the most important lesson anyone has ever taught me is the importance of positive thinking.  The fact that “Thoughts are Things” has been proven time and time again yet so many of us continue to allow our minds to wander aimlessly, captured by random thoughts, feelings, emotions….a sort of mental clutter that really has no place in our lives.  It is not who we really are.  I have spent hours in silence, turning my thoughts off and allowing a calm peace within me to fill the space in which random, mindless thoughts had been running wild.  And YES! you can control your thoughts.  Or you can be the victim of them.  Being able to work through the difficulties my family has faced has been a challenge for each of us in our own way.  My choice has been to realize the thoughts are not who I am and I have the power to release them and simply be the space through which they flow.

You may be scratching your head now and thinking I’m a bit off but this technique has served me well.  It is how I survived the loss and dealt with what each day brought into my experience.  I will never be the same person I was prior to 2015 when our lives were turned upside down.  I have learned to let go and, let me tell you, being a control freak most of my life made that quite a task for me!  The moment I realized I had absolutely no control over what was happening other than my response to it was a life changing event.  I had the choice to flow with what was happening or I could make myself miserable fighting against it.  And I also had let go and allow both my father and my husband to make their choices and to respect those choices.  Boundaries were created and we worked together to make life as pleasant as possible.

Just as thoughts are things, we are our choices.  By practicing the exercise of quieting the mind and listening to the silence our choices will be made clear.  Answers flow in the softest voice, a whisper of knowing what the right choice is.  When I feel a sharp twinge in my solar plexus at the thought of something I now stop and listen.  That feeling is a warning!  It’s saying look at what’s happening here, don’t rush, don’t push, take your time.  The peace that comes from that is so calming and filled with love.  Practicing the same habit of stopping before speaking has also served me well.  To stop before reacting and look at whether our words are necessary or not is so powerful.  We become conscious of life rather than pawns or victims of it.  We begin to experience a flow in all areas of our lives and this flow opens our hearts to the pureness of love for ourselves and everyone we come into contact with.  I, personally, began to feel a connection with everyone  as our home filled with hospice workers, medical equipment, pharmacy delivery services and friends who stopped by to help.  I could sense the connection we all shared in the care giving.

Life is about change.  I would not have chosen the sadness and loss but I had to accept it.  And I had to choose how I handled all that happened on a daily basis.  I am no saint, I have a temper and I get frustrated.  But by doing my best to control my reactions and let things be what they were I survived well over a year of very difficult challenges.  I have a sense of peace now that I have never experienced in my life.  I believe it stems from the fact that I truly and deeply loved for the first time.  I will never look at the people in my life the same after experiencing profound loss.  Each person has a uniqueness and a loving core, whether they have activated it or not, that I connect with.   A friend talked with me a few months back and spoke of what an honor it was to have the opportunity to care for my dad and for “Mr. T”.  She said that I was walking them home.  Tears flowed during that conversation but she was right.  The entire time created a depth of feeling in me that nothing can replace.  Life has a new perspective now.  I am thankful for each new day and I work to do my best no matter what I am faced with.  This is how I handled all that had to be done.  And this is why I now have a firm I CAN attitude.  Life is a gift and love is the power behind everything that is authentic, good and pure.  Many doors are opening for me now that I never could have imagined before 2015.  I’m working on my visioning book and creating what I want my future to be, knowing that I will have to go with the flow if the Universe has something else in mind.  Speaking of visioning books, that’s a whole blog post in itself!  Stick around and watch what happens.  I hope my experiences may benefit my readers as I work to be the change I would like to see in this world!

Melissa | people | 08 22nd, 2018 | 6 Comments »

It’s been months since I posted as The Permanent Tourist.  I haven’t communicated with readers for quite sometime because I’ve always based this blog on positive and happy subjects.  2018 has been a very rough year for my family.  First with the loss of my father on February 1 and then my precious husband, known as Mr. T to readers, on May 25th.  My mind has been in such a blur I could not have put words together to make even a short post.  And it was a very private time for my family. I felt like Tom took part of me with him but, slowly, I’m coming back to life.

We bought a lovely family home in Louisiana and spent as much quality time as we could together before hospice stepped in for both dad and Tom.  I cannot say enough about the amazing folks who work with Heart of Hospice.  They helped us with care and prepared us as best they could for the inevitable transitions of these two amazing men.  I can now say that I understand the term “Widow Brain”.  It’s an unbelievable fog that descends on the mind after great loss.  Putting one foot or one thought in front of the other seems an impossible task.  Losing my sweet husband and my father within months of each other is the most painful thing I have ever survived and, believe me, there have been days when I thought I wouldn’t.

Tom worked right along side me as I began this blog five years ago. He even came up with the name in his creative way. He had that side to him many didn’t know, but I did. He never ceased to inspire and support me.

These two men were my biggest fans.  Dad always encouraged me to write and keep this blog going as did Tom.  So here I go…..it’s time to get back into the blogging groove!  I may not produce daily posts but the ones I do share will be interesting and introduce you to this wonderful place we now call home.  Life must go on and joy must replace great sorrow.  Join me on all of the new adventures that are beginning to flow into my life now!  It’s a time to rediscover joy and happiness, to celebrate love and, hopefully, a local radio station that wants a great new show!

Melissa | people | 08 14th, 2018 | 22 Comments »

A new day is dawning.  A time to focus on shining your light for all to see.  If each of us let today be filled with love and understanding we can change this world….making it a better place.  Join me?  Wipe the canvas of your mind clean, take a deep breath and let’s do this!

Melissa | Out&About, people | 02 6th, 2017 | 2 Comments »

There are many reasons why I chose SILENT for this Wednesday’s word.  One of the things I love about this word is that it has the same letters in it as the word LISTEN.  Since moving to Louisiana and bringing my parents along so that I can care for them has been more than a simple challenge, but an experience I would not have missed for the world.  I have always been very close to them, especially my father.  Dad will be 88 in May.  His body is showing the signs of years of wear and it is failing him in ways none of us could ever have expected or imagined.  Recently diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia and the onset of Parkinson’s disease, each day is a challenge.  Along with the diagnosis comes the fact that macular degeneration has decreased his eyesight to 30% and his hearing to about the same percentage.  For a man of words this is all so very difficult.  We have learned the necessity of silence and patience as we deal with each day and what it brings, never knowing what it might be.  It is essential that we be silent when trying to converse with him and listen to what he has to say.  His words no longer come easily but they do come with a bit of effort.  One thing I so admire about my dad is that he insists we be open about what is going on and discuss it one on one as well as a family.  My love and respect for him have grown from this experience beyond measure.  It has also forced me to realize how important it is to be SILENT.  The ability to go within and take time to be still and listen is imperative to our well being.  If only for ten minutes each day…..find the time and claim it for yourself.

I wouldn’t change my situation for the world.  I consider it an honor to care for my parents and see to their needs as they did mine for so many years.  Our world is busy and rapidly changing.  I could question how such a terrible disease could strike a man but we, as humans, cannot know what causes such things.  Love is the order of the day and plenty of patience.  As we travel on this journey, knowing there will be no cure or recovery, I try to remember to take the time to be SILENT at different times throughout the day.  I find it helps me center myself, clear my mind and it enables me to carry on.  Wishing you all a very wonderful Wednesday in which you take that moment for yourself.

Melissa | people, Wednesday Word | 03 9th, 2016 | No Comments »

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I am an avid reader.  As a writer reading helps me to expand my own craft.  It stretches my mind and gives me ideas on how I can improve my writing.  I recently read M.J. Rose’s wonderful book “The Memorist”.  I could not put this book down.  Subsequently I’m searching for every book she has written and expect to devour them just as I did this tale of suspense and intrigue.  Those of you living on the Georgia coast may be quite familiar with the endorsement appearing on the cover from local author, Steve Berry.

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You’ll be taken down into the catacombs of Venice as this chilling tale mounts to its thrilling pinnacle.  I think I finished reading all 111 chapters in two afternoons, sitting on the edge of my chair!  This writer spins her words in a web that holds the reader captive.  She discusses the circle of life and time in a way that makes one question and wonder…..could it be true?

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If you do not like looking into the unseen and asking your own questions this book may not be for you.  But I found it enthralling.  The way Ms. Rose weaves the subject of reincarnation into the fiber of her story is outstanding.  I don’t presume to know the answers to what life is about but this book led me into a space of fascination I will never forget.  I cannot wait to begin the next work by this brilliant author!

Melissa | people | 03 3rd, 2016 | 1 Comment »